Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Me and the Boy and the Promise...

Maybe I've told this story before but I'm old and the older we get the more we repeat ourselves, so bear with me, it's worth repeating. Most people just look at me like they just don't get it when I tell this story, or they just think I've lost it, or that I'm making it up. I swear I'm not.

When the boy was born we had a brand new Toyota truck. How we came to have that truck is another story for another day. Just think, me, nine months pregnant, hour long bus ride home from work, sitting by a man with a coat on that smelled loudly of wet dog. It was pure insanity, mine, how we came to have that truck.

About a month later when I could see the ex was going to continue to drive it drunk and not work, I called up the bank and told them to come get it because we could not make the payments. They did.

This led to three and a half years of me being on foot with a newborn, another story. We made it. Finally I could stand it no longer and humbly asked my mother if she could help us get a vehicle. I wanted to go be a courier and could not do that without a vehicle. She did and I did, to make a long story short.

The boy, throughout his life, has had what I like to refer to as his "special" time of the year between Christmas and his birthday at the end of March. All is right with his world during this time. He learned how to walk, finally learned how to talk, was potty trained and so many other wonderful things during this time of year that are just too many to mention. Except this one that I will never forget. I will never forget anything about it.

Everyday when I would pick him up from daycare and when we would finally get off work (I would take him with me to finish up delivering the remaining packages for the day) sometimes we would just sit in the truck and talk before going in the house. I don't know why we did this but it was a special time for us with no distractions, just me and him.

Up until this time, aside from the old time spirituals I used to sing to him when he was a baby I had never spoken to him about God. I tried to teach him right from wrong, but this was not a particularly spiritual time in my life. Not that I didn't believe, just that I had too much else going on.

When I found out I was pregnant, I prayed and I made a promise. I promise My Lord that if He would just let me have this child I would make sure he had a childhood and I would keep him safe. I would make sure that he remained innocent and that no one on this earth would take his innocence from him before he was ready. He did and I now know that I did.

The past couple of days around here have been wonderful, heart-wrenching, sad, beautiful and just a various array of emotions that I just can't really do justice to. So this leads me back to that day in the truck.

We were just sitting there and my boy, out of the clear blue sky, says to me "Mom, you know I'm God's child don't you?" The entire world stood still for a very long time. I felt as if I was in a trance. There was no world outside of that truck. I looked over at that child and there was not one trace of anything evil or deceptive in that face. His eyes were big and round and as clear as I have ever seen. Yet, they had an earnestness to them, like God was speaking to me through my boy and I had to know one day I would lose my boy because one day the Lord was going to call him to work for Him. This time has come. It may not be today or tomorrow but it will be soon.

Two days ago the boy bounded into my room with that same look on his face and said, "Mom, I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I want to get my social work degree and go on to be a brother and go do God's work all around the world."

I just can not describe all the different waves of emotion that are washing over me right now, but I know it's true and it's the way it's supposed to be. Pray for me so that I will be able to let him go and not fold and for the boy so that he might find the proper direction he needs to lead him down this path.

19 comments:

  1. Lord, today, Lady...i am getting goose bumps from reading your and the boy's story...i am not one to say i told you so, but I TOLD YOU SO...i told you you were a wonderful mom. I am a witness to your walking on heaps of fire for the boy...the prayers you sent up and out on his behalf...how proud you are of his every accomplishment...loving him...encouraging him...supporting him...teaching him healthy "stuff"...the gooooooooddddd seeds you have planted in the boy is beginning to sprout...God blessed him with the "right" mom, Lady - YOU! He, and you,truly are God's beloved. I guess you can tell i am "feeling" your joy...THE BOY'S joy...

    Loads of Love My Sister...My Friend.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you know, it funny, before this week i always told people that I had nothing to do with it, that he was born that way. this week is the first time I have felt like my doing the best I could with the promise had something to do with who he's become. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hold on to the feelings, Lady...embrace them - you and the promise had every thing to do with who he's becoming...you better believe it.:)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks, Amerah! Sometimes I just don't know what I'd do without your well wishes! I'm so glad we met in school :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Me, too (hee, hee, hee)...ya know mine is for selfish reason my dear - we are gonna write my book together...and the way you write your stories are so heartwarming, encouraging for other folk who may be "doubting" their parenting...me in particular...ok, ok...i want go there...but i am soooooo serious about you helping me write "this" piece/box...

    ReplyDelete
  6. P.S. You will let him go! And you will not fold - proud (may be a little scared), but you will not fold...that's the strength that he's see in his Mom...THE WINGS BENEATH HIS WINGS.

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMG!!!! STOP him before it's too late!

    Kidding--I'm KIDDING.

    And what on earth have you done to your blog? It completely tripped me out coming over here! It's nice. Much easier to navigate me thinks.

    ReplyDelete
  8. :) Yeah, you know I'm searching around for somewhere he can go do what he wants and still get married and have me some grandbabies, don't you :) other reasons too. i cannot bear the thought of my sweet boy closed up in some monastery with a bunch of kinky catholic priests. if i was satisfied with how they have handled the entire situation it might be different. so if it's to be then it will be and that's all there is to it.

    as for the site... 1) i was bored, 2) the other site was hurting my eyes. I think this one is much easier on the eyes, at least it is for me. I like it but i think it still needs to grow on me some more, it's such a change. i do think the links stand out better. 3) thought this might be the last thing to get rid of my spammer/stalker/site killer whatever it was that was messing with my site and my email address. i've been through just about every free/free trial spyware killer out there and none of them have removed it completely, but it is considerably better.

    where have you been anyway? been missing you :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, wow! Looks different! Very nice, Prin!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks! it's growing on me. it was really easy to do. much easier than the first go 'round when i was tearing my hair out forever! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I do promise to bend a knee every week for your sons path..

    Aint He great..
    “as for you and your house you will serve the Lord”

    You need to get a sign for your front door!!

    Abundant Blessings

    Frankie G
    A Biker for Christ

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hiya, prin/c. Your "mother son" story brought this verse by Langston Hughs back to my mind. I don't know why. Maybe it's because Yuletide can be both a joyous and a sad time, and that poem that I love expresses so many emotions in so few words.

    Hold fast to dreams. For if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams, for when dreams go, life is a barren field frozen with snow.

    Better go, before things get too soppy! TTU soon, prin/c







    ...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Spankie, thanks for the prayers! oh, and I have to approve comments before they will be published :) you can thank my spammer/hacker for that :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. A--I love Langston Hughes. I was a little late in life before I discovered him but once I did all was right with my world :)
    D

    ReplyDelete
  15. Glad you are happy Prin, the boy is following in my footsteps in a slight way...Almost AngelBoy 0{:o).......I see you have been busy learning the ins and outs of blog decorating...cheap fun, right. Looks nice till just like moving the furnature around, it gets done again.............Jees you scare me. You are my age and you sound too much like my mother with paragraph one...remember you are as old as you feel, it's an attitude not a sentence to doom...................Hope all is well....KAK

    ReplyDelete