Domestic Violence

This is my touchy subject. Feeling compelled to include the links here on this blog does not compare to my need for privacy or for my need to keep the memories buried, swallowed, hacked to pieces, regurgitated and re-swallowed. Now, that having been said, I will share some of my story. For instance, the reason for my inclusion of Al-Anon in the links. Al-Anon was my salvation. It was during my first meeting there that I first heard the words "Let go and let God." There are no words to describe the way I felt when I first heard those words. I had no other choice but to do just that very thing. Were it not for those words and the fact that not long after that, during a particularly violent episode, I looked over at my screaming 18 month old son and realized that if I did not get myself together and do something to get us out of that situation then that beautiful, innocent child I had prayed for since I was 10, would one day grow up to believe violence against women was acceptable behavior. I knew in my deepest soul that God had not forgiven me for all the abortions I had (another story) and given me his most precious gift to have it destroyed by a violent man with his own issues. With that realization I found new strength to do what I had to do. Until that point I fought back, I argued, I was just as angry as he was and while not an alcoholic I was still drinking. Al-Anon showed me the way to deal with the relationship until I could get out. I'm not sure if this would work for everyone but this is what I did. I quit drinking and I shut down every emotion I had for that man, by this time it was easy to do. Nothing he could say would provoke me. I was one cold, empty bitch. Believe me, he tried his very best to provoke me...I would just look at him or not and keep my mouth shut...no matter what he said or did, I did not say a word, fight back or even roll my eyes. I showed him no emotion of any kind. I knew that eventually he would screw up on his own and then I would have my out. I prepared myself for the wait. Luckily, I did not have to wait but a short two months. He came home one afternoon and proceeded to tear up everything in the house because I wouldn't go inside with him (so he could beat the crap out of me in private). The neighbors heard it and called the police. They put him in the van and loaded him off to jail. The story does not end there but this was the beginning of the end and soon I found another place to live and we moved. I went to our post office, took a picture of him and made them swear that they would not answer any questions he had about my new address. It must have worked because he never found us. That was 17 years ago and today I have my beautiful glorious son with his innocence still intact. There is another saying that I want to share with you today courtesy of my friend Amerah: "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it" If you can just know this one thing, you will find the strength to do what you need to do. The past 17 years have not been easy but I like to think of it as the path I took in order to become a social worker. I believe by traveling this road I will be a much more empathetic soul than I would have been had I not. In providing these links for you I hope that I have provided you with a valuable place to start when dealing with your own issues or with someone else's.
One last thing. We would never have survived in those first days had it not been for Supportive Living Services. In my opinion this is the one most underrated, most useful programs out there today. Some states don't even utilize it, my own being one of them. Luckily, I was in one that did when I needed it. Please search for it if you have the need. It can be found through your local mental health office. I have included a link that will tell you all about what it does and who it serves. This program paid my rent for 3 years, provided transportation, assisted me with medications, applying for assistance, and sent me to school. Their only requirement was that I go to therapy and keep up with my treatment plan. With programs such as this utilized in a more overarching fashion, I believe that there would be many more "survivors."