Sunday, March 1, 2009

OMG! She Took Him Back....Rihanna, What in the H*** Are You Thinking?

Click the title link for the story. I just about fell out of my chair when I read the headline and almost puked when I read the story. This 20 year old woman has the moon. She has more going for her than any other 20 year old I can think of at the moment. She's beautiful and talented, (although I have to say here if I hear "Disturbia" one more time I will be disturbed to the point of actually being committed, but that's not the point) she had the entire music world at her feet. Girl, where is your pride? Your self-respect? Kick that angry little boy to the curb and run as far away from him as you can get. I don't care what he promised you, if he did it once he will do it again and the next time you might not be so lucky, if you can call the last time, lucky.

So I've had my say. I was going to explode if I didn't say something. I think now would be a good time to go over the warning signs for domestic abusers and some other pertinent information in case you or anyone else out there might need it:

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline Memorize this number. 1 800 799 7233

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes and Effects Read this page until you have it internalized

Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Checklist This one deserves to be typed out.

"Do you have to get permission to socialize with your friends?
Are you accused of cheating on him when you leave the house to do errands, etc.?
Are you afraid to talk about certain topics unless he's in a good mood?
Does he have control over the money and monitor your spending?
Does he tell you no one else would ever want you?
Does he threaten to harm himself if you leave him?
Does he go through your purse or open your mail?
Does he make disparaging remarks about the way you look or dress?
Does he use things against you that you've confided to him in the past?
Does he sabotage your efforts to be involved in pleasant social or family event?
Does he compare you negatively to other women?
Are you nervous about being on the phone when he is around?
Is it okay to return home later than scheduled without being fearful?
Does it feel more like you have a dad than a partner?
Does he give you the 'silent treatment' when you want to talk or work things out?
Does he try to turn the children against you?
Do you feel manipulated by his kindness or gifts?
Do you feel obligated to be sexual with your partner?
Are your activities and interests looked upon as unimportant and trivial?
Does he sabotage your schedule and outside commitments?

United States Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women: Domestic Violence This one needs to be entered here as well.

"Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.

Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

* Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair-pulling, biting, etc. Physical abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.

* Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes, but is certainly not limited to marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.

* Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem. This may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

* Economic Abuse: Making or attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.

* Psychological Abuse: Causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses, and the community at large. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center for Victims of Crime, and"

There are more links for help on the Domestic Violence page here

Please, at the very least, recognize the type of situation you are in and arm yourself with the knowledge of how to protect yourself and how to get out should another situation arise.


  1. Oh, Prin, are you really that surprised? We all know the horrible stats here: an abused woman may have to leave 8 times before it's for good.

    It is horribly frightening, though, looking at it from the outside and knowing there's nothing you can do to help her but give her numbers, offer resources and hope this time it sticks. (I'm use Rhihanna as a metaphor here.)

  2. Sadly, I know this. It took me three times. I should just never read this stuff. It just pushes all my buttons and I have to say something or I will explode.

  3. Hi, Prin, I agree with Reas...I, too, lived it - my mom was beaten every week-end for years...and for a short minute, I became a victim...back in that day that was normal in my community...there were no shelters for us to go...for a period of time I slept with a 38-snub nose pistol under my pillow for about a month waiting for him to hit her...he didn't hit her and my mom found out that i had the pistol and begged me to give it back to it's owner...I did and the beatings started up again...time went by...I left home at 15 yrs. of age and the rest is history...However, I do believe it was GRACE that did not allow me to kill that sick SOB because today I can say that there is life after coming out of an environment where abuse and choas is real...and this "stuff" runs through generation to generation until the generational curse is broken...may be, just may be both of them are doing what they "know"...

  4. and just to add what great role modeling this is for all of the young girls who look up to and love Rhianna.....

  5. I didn't even want to go there because then I would have to think about all the young men too that will think it's acceptable behavior to beat up on a woman and we have quite enough thinking that already.

    amerah...i'm sure they are both doing what they know...maybe she needs to go have a talk with Tina so she can tell her like it t-i-s.